Post removed (X-No-Archive: yes)

Leisure Suit Lamey wrote:
> Some of you know that instant burst of energy you get, whatever
> condition you're in, when hot, tasty food has just arrived at your
> doorstep. I rushed to the door with some cash, hurriedly paid the
> delivery guy, and made my way back to the living room with a feast for
> my friends and me. The food tasted good. I'm a fan of spicy foods, and
> the chicken wings and spicy meats on the pizza didn't disappoint. I
> did notice a slight tang to some of the chicken on the pizza, but
> being in the condition I was in, it didn't stop me from polishing off
> several slices, along with wings, garlic bread, and a few more beers.
>
> The night drew on, and my girlfriend and I headed off to bed. I was
> pretty beat and began drifting as soon as my head hit the pillow,
> despite several minutes of attempts by my girlfriend to get some
> attention from me. I was not in the proper state to perform any
> duties, so I continued ignoring her and fell fast asleep. (Who says
> women control sex in a relationship?)
>
> I awoke at around four AM. Everything happened so fast, but I can
> remember it in slow motion. At first, I didn't know what was wrong
> with me. Still intoxicated with alcohol and weed, I rolled over a few
> times. I could tell something was very wrong. My stomach felt bloated
> and was bubbling and gurgling. And at that point, it hit me. I knew I
> had very little time. I leapt out of bed and sprinted for the toilet.
>
> The second my ass hit the rim, it happened. Gas exited my behind at
> high velocity while jets of burning hot liquid turd simultaneously
> spattered out of my rear. I was in agony, and the smell was enough to
> make me cover my nostrils and hold my breath. After the gas had burned
> itself out, I was still left with hot liquid spitting and dribbling
> from my behind, burning my ringpiece.
>
> Half asleep and in a semi-dream state, I sat in a stinking room with
> lava dripping from my unlucky No. 2 hole. I remember breaking out in a
> hot sweat, my brow and top lip dripping onto the floor as I sat on the
> toilet for half an hour, drifting in and out of consciousness.
>
> As the time passed, I began to recover. The fountain of fetid
> excrement stopped weeping, and my bum and stomach felt such sweet
> relief. I had woken up a little now and felt so much better. I used
> copious amounts of loo roll to wipe the mess from my behind. Trouble
> was, it wasn't enough -- having been sat on the toilet for so long,
> the outer rim of poo had encrusted itself to my ass.
>
> 4:45 AM found me naked with a showerhead directed at my ass, washing
> away crusted shit. This was turning into a long night. After washing
> and drying off, I headed back to bed, climbed in next to my girl, and
> fell back to sleep.
>
> Eight o'clock in the morning: a piercing scream of disgust. I awoke
> and realized what I had done -- and what I had forgotten to do after.
> I quickly threw on my dressing gown and headed to the site of last
> night's eruption. Magna, my female housemate, stood at the door with a
> look on her face that said it all.

You had me going until "Magna". What kinda fucking name is Magna? The
story sounds like something PJR conjured up while servicing his
clientèle at the local construction site.

rock flushed and announced:

>Leisure Suit Lamey wrote:
>> Some of you know that instant burst of energy you get, whatever
>> condition you're in, when hot, tasty food has just arrived at your
>> doorstep. I rushed to the door with some cash, hurriedly paid the
>> delivery guy, and made my way back to the living room with a feast for
>> my friends and me. The food tasted good. I'm a fan of spicy foods, and
>> the chicken wings and spicy meats on the pizza didn't disappoint. I
>> did notice a slight tang to some of the chicken on the pizza, but
>> being in the condition I was in, it didn't stop me from polishing off
>> several slices, along with wings, garlic bread, and a few more beers.
>>
>> The night drew on, and my girlfriend and I headed off to bed. I was
>> pretty beat and began drifting as soon as my head hit the pillow,
>> despite several minutes of attempts by my girlfriend to get some
>> attention from me. I was not in the proper state to perform any
>> duties, so I continued ignoring her and fell fast asleep. (Who says
>> women control sex in a relationship?)
>>
>> I awoke at around four AM. Everything happened so fast, but I can
>> remember it in slow motion. At first, I didn't know what was wrong
>> with me. Still intoxicated with alcohol and weed, I rolled over a few
>> times. I could tell something was very wrong. My stomach felt bloated
>> and was bubbling and gurgling. And at that point, it hit me. I knew I
>> had very little time. I leapt out of bed and sprinted for the toilet.
>>
>> The second my ass hit the rim, it happened. Gas exited my behind at
>> high velocity while jets of burning hot liquid turd simultaneously
>> spattered out of my rear. I was in agony, and the smell was enough to
>> make me cover my nostrils and hold my breath. After the gas had burned
>> itself out, I was still left with hot liquid spitting and dribbling
>> from my behind, burning my ringpiece.
>>
>> Half asleep and in a semi-dream state, I sat in a stinking room with
>> lava dripping from my unlucky No. 2 hole. I remember breaking out in a
>> hot sweat, my brow and top lip dripping onto the floor as I sat on the
>> toilet for half an hour, drifting in and out of consciousness.
>>
>> As the time passed, I began to recover. The fountain of fetid
>> excrement stopped weeping, and my bum and stomach felt such sweet
>> relief. I had woken up a little now and felt so much better. I used
>> copious amounts of loo roll to wipe the mess from my behind. Trouble
>> was, it wasn't enough -- having been sat on the toilet for so long,
>> the outer rim of poo had encrusted itself to my ass.
>>
>> 4:45 AM found me naked with a showerhead directed at my ass, washing
>> away crusted shit. This was turning into a long night. After washing
>> and drying off, I headed back to bed, climbed in next to my girl, and
>> fell back to sleep.
>>
>> Eight o'clock in the morning: a piercing scream of disgust. I awoke
>> and realized what I had done -- and what I had forgotten to do after.
>> I quickly threw on my dressing gown and headed to the site of last
>> night's eruption. Magna, my female housemate, stood at the door with a
>> look on her face that said it all.
>
>You had me going until "Magna". What kinda fucking name is Magna? The
>story sounds like something PJR conjured up while servicing his
>clientèle at the local construction site.

PJR only *does pizza bois and asstrologers.
Fucking newbies....sheesh!

<Shite snipped> What a retard

Plonk

Redman

my that made me laugh. i had to dry my eyes half way though to carry on
reading.

On Sat, 8 Jul 2006 09:14:00 +0100, "Redman"
<redman1977 [at] btinternet.com> wrote:

><Shite snipped> What a retard
>
>Plonk
>
>Redman
>

how precious. a public display of plonkitude. can you walk and chew
gum at the same time, too?

--
Dave Hillstrom mhm15x4 zrbj
"I can't find my puppy, can you help me find him? I think he went
into this cheap motel room."
-Dave Hillstrom

Redman wrote:
> <Shite snipped> What a retard
>
> Plonk
>
> Redman
>
>
i know this just breaks r0ck into pieces . . .

=^.FixCat.^= wrote:
> Redman wrote:
>
>> <Shite snipped> What a retard
>>
>> Plonk
>>
>> Redman
>>
>>
> i know this just breaks r0ck into pieces . . .

that idiot couldn't even quote properly...so he mighta been talking to
1000 different people.

Redman, the utter moron who can't operate a newsreader.

Post removed (X-No-Archive: yes)